How to cut expenses while keeping your marriage (Part III)

You are on the budgeting home stretch!  You have read Part I and Part II and completed those first steps. Before you continue reading, pat yourself on the back and give your partner a hug or a high five.  You have come together to tackle your budget. That can be a source of stress for many people, but you are making it work to your benefit.  You have a handle, now, on what your needs are and what is most important to you as a family. The final stage is to allocate some of your remaining funds to the budget items that are important to each of you as individuals.

Identify, rank, and total the individual wants

In every family there are disagreements about what is important, and each person will have different wants.  Perhaps one spouse views private school as a need, and the other sees it as a want.  Maybe one spouse budgets $20 a month for personal care and the other spends $200.  This is where to list those expenses.  For each family member, make a list of all the expenses that didn’t fall into the Needs or Family Wants categories. When the lists are complete, and every monthly expense has been categorized into Needs, Family Wants, and Individual Wants, let each person rank their individual wants from most important to least important.

Talk it over

Talk about your lists, and why these things are important to each of you.  Remember the why.  Go back to the shared goals you have, and the reason you want to control your expenses.  Is it to be able to retire or work less and spend more time together?  Is it to be able to pay for college or weddings for your children?  Is it to pay off debt?  Look at your list of wants again with that perspective and identify those you would be willing to eliminate or reduce to meet that shared goal.

Give and take

This is where the process will be very different for each family.  Some couples will approach this with a value of fairness—each family member might get the same amount per month for wants, or perhaps each family member will reduce their wants by the same percentage.  More commonly, though, there are some differences in the monthly expenses of each person.  What is important is that you are looking honestly at where your money is going, and you are each making some changes that will help you achieve your larger goals.

Ask for help

If you get to this point in the process, and you haven’t agreed on where to reduce expenses, it may be time to call in some help.  A financial adviser can help you look for ways to save money and help you prioritize your spending.  A family or marriage counselor can help you develop tools for communicating and negotiating.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  You are in this together, and you can do it! Don’t forget to budget in some quality time together as a couple and as a family.  Set time aside to do things that you enjoy together—go for a hike or to a museum, cook a big meal together, listen to music, and enjoy each other. Are you ready to bring the children in to the conversation? Part IV (coming soon!) will discuss how to involve children in the budgeting process and conversations, and how to start teaching them financial skills.